My expearience is a little different...
when I was 5, my parents got a divorce but I wasn't angry because I didn't see any difference! My father was always travelling when I was little so I've never been verry close to him...
Linkin Park is maybe the only thing that got me close to my father, I went to the Rock Werchter 2011 with him, it was the greatest expearience in my life! I'm really thanfull to Linkin Park for being the best band in the world and to get me close to my father like never before. THANK YOUUUU <3
Hi DJ. :) I'm glad Linkin were able to help you get through your parents' divorce alright. That would have been a really tough time – adolescence is a tough time anyway but that would have made it a lot tougher. Good on you for always looking for a way through it, not opting out. That's really brave and wonderful. :) Thanks for sharing your story.
Linkin's helped me through tough times too, and I've really appreciated it. I was brought up in a family and community that physically and emotionally abused me but taught me it was wrong to feel anger and it was wrong to be affected badly by what anyone does to you – they taught me I should always feel happy and like everything was fine.
It has always been great for me, listening to Linkin expressing their anger and talking of their pain and struggle, etc, as I was never allowed to - it feels so good to sing along with that, to actually express some of my anger and struggle as I sing their words and music – a lot of their lyrics feel quite the same as what I've felt or thought or wished I could express, which is a release for me as well as wonderful to feel that someone else knows what it's like to be like me and go through difficult things similar to mine (though I wouldn't wish it on anyone).
It has been tough, since I escaped from home, to stay safe from them and to keep myself emotionally together – I had to change my name and now I can't let anyone but my very closest, most discreet friends (not even banks and other organisations) know where I live or what area I live in as they kept coming after me and finding me and abusing me again. Knowing that Linkin are there and have been through struggle and are still keeping on keeping on, helps me to try to do so too.
I thought until recently that I'd dealt with most of the stuff from my past, but rule-makers at my work have become extra over-the-top (making rules that make me feel like they think we're kindergarten kids or something) and it really triggered a lot of anger from my past, because my parents were very over-controlling and treated me like a young child even once I'd grown a lot older, though expecting me to shoulder adult responsibilities. I've had to cut down my days at work now because it's triggering so much anger from my past that I can't cope with it and not explode if I don't have more time between working days to calm down. So I'm down to 2 ½ days, which is hard financially but easier emotionally, though it's hard to keep it together at work a lot of the time still.
Linkin's song 'Iridescent' makes me feel better about myself, like it's okay to 'feel cold and lost in desperation', and I can let go of the failures of my past and find a better future and present. It was great timing for me, that album. 'I'm swimming in the smoke of bridges I have burned' feels great to sing along to, like I'm not the only one who's accidentally stuffed things up with people along the way, for me because of trying to keep myself safe as well as not freak people out by talking about the more difficult things I was going through (I freaked a few people out before realising many people find it too full-on to deal with), or just out of ignorance or just by mistake. The Messenger is lovely, too – just beautiful for my heart.
I'm realising that I haven't really felt and dealt with the painful and angry feelings from the worst things that happened in my past and what they are related to, I've been still obeying the people I grew up with, trying to be happy and feel fine despite what they did, and that's why I've got this huge amount of anger and pain inside me and am falling apart a bit from it. So I'm starting to try to express my anger (haven't been able to express any pain as yet, don't know how) through some songs I've been writing, which is helping reduce the anger a little, which is great.
I was glad Chester did his Out Of Ashes album, too, cos it helped me feel more normal, expressed a lot of things I felt at roughly the same time as the album was happening – I was going through a backwards period at the time, making stupid choices and getting some nasty consequences.
I'm glad Linkin Park are out there. I wish I had a friend like Chester to talk about healing things with - most people I know can't handle what I've been through...
Best wishes to everyone, hope you don't mind my spill, hope I kept it tame enough,
I forgot to say to Mathilde, I'm glad Linkin helped you get closer to your dad - that's really lovely!