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Permalink Reply by Chmikster Hahn on February 1, 2010 at 7:23am

I like your poem; it's definitely from the heart and so well written. To add, if you decide to try and publish any poetry, that one could be like an introduction to others you may have.

I myself have begun to sort through my poetry for publishing. I've found some, but I'd like to write or gather more. I've been struggling a little recently on writing much of anything, but I've managed to get out a poem every once in a while. So, here's one of my latest ones...

Stay Like This

I don’t ever wish to go back
To go back to the stress
The emotional mess I was
I’ve changed for the better

I’d like to stay like this
For I’ve been blessed
With the life I live
With those I love

Back to before,
It feels longer than it has
Almost like I was someone else

Now I’m so much stronger
Stronger than that person
The memory is just a shadow
Barely lingering here in the brightness

If only my old friends could see me now
We’d have lots of fun and laughs

There’s so much sunlight in my days
The huge gray cloud forever blown away
So far away

If anyone were to ask me to go back
I’d refuse in a heartbeat
Hatred, negativity, depression
I see them as poisons
My mind and heart do not need them

I hope to stay like this
The way I am now
Going the other way around
Would be pointless anyway

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Permalink Reply by Ghost-Child550 on February 2, 2010 at 10:27am

Your poem is pretty good, but I find it's too straightforward (which isn't a bad thing I just prefer poetry that's slightly more abstract and has a little more word play) Try and play with the readers head cause this just kind of comes out and says this is how I feel and this is why. It seems more like a piece of angsty sophomoric poetry.
Again the piece is good but as a friendly reccomendation I'd say try and let the words flow from the pen. Don't think too hard about it just let it flow and play with words you usually wouldn't use to describe your feelings.

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Permalink Reply by Michelle on February 3, 2010 at 2:11pm

Rainbows

hide behind

a place for you to find

I know I'll find you

somewhere over the rainbow

inside you eyes

where therein lies

faraway gazes

dreaming of better places

living in that space

between here and there

but you are safe

in that distant land

somewhere over the rainbow

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Permalink Reply by Ghost-Child550 on February 3, 2010 at 7:55pm

Michelle that was a good poem I really liked the word play. It left a pretty good impression you've got a lot of talent. How long have you been writing?

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Permalink Reply by Michelle on February 3, 2010 at 7:58pm

I've been writing off and on since I was a kid...I always liked my English classes etc.

Ghost-Child550 said:

Michelle that was a good poem I really liked the word play. It left a pretty good impression you've got a lot of talent. How long have you been writing?

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Permalink Reply by Ghost-Child550 on February 3, 2010 at 8:55pm

Michelle said:

I've been writing off and on since I was a kid...I always liked my English classes etc.

Ghost-Child550 said:

Michelle that was a good poem I really liked the word play. It left a pretty good impression you've got a lot of talent. How long have you been writing?

Very nice you're very good. I hope to see more of your work on here.

Here's a couple more of mine.

dream eyes

wide awake in winter sleep
staring down what's yours to keep
I am waiting
desperate and survived
for a moment like this
to live and bear sorrow
on the trees of ash and snow

dream eyes
cannot see the twisted wings
and promises
but in the twilight of stars grace
we'll glow with neon light
and sign the cards we've meant to keep

in waves of ocean crayon
you'll find a sleeper
waiting for the pen to scribe truth
behind blue filters
and dream eyes

I create my words
with pictures of sleep
and fall into worlds
where beauty is off key


Autumn Children

Autumn leaves fall down
to dance with me under their old trees
and the trees know of forgiveness
but not of their own death

I catch salmon and feed it to my children
so they too can one day
dance with the leaves under old trees
and my children will learn forgivness
and will not fear their own death

In autumn screams and silent invitations
the child will remember innocence
and with innocence brought back
the child will fear the sound
of rustling leaves and creaking trees

when time goes back
I'll not catch salmon and feed it to my children
and the autumn leaves
will no longer dance with me

the child of fall leaves and creakey trees
will remember the older days
when adult was the dream to fulfill
and the child went out of style

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Permalink Reply by Scott Free on February 4, 2010 at 8:27am

You should all join the Writers Unite Group if you haven't already.

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Permalink Reply by Michelle on February 5, 2010 at 6:38pm

I like the Stay Like This poem...that one was good...I just wrote this one...what do you think?

Endless Pools of Midnight

Into you

and your eyes

with the depth of midnight

your image in my mirror

with reflections of time

vivid imaginations

solemn moments

give me the light

the light to see

inside your eyes

your eyes with the

depth of midnight

like endless pools

of the moons

loving caress

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Permalink Reply by Ghost-Child550 on February 6, 2010 at 8:24am

^Michelle: Endless Pools of Midnight was pretty good. I thought it was a well written piece, I especially liked the last three lines. Well done it was an excellent piece.

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Permalink Reply by supriyahearts on February 6, 2010 at 4:23pm

i have a lot that i wrote in high school, but here is a more recent one.

Gravel Weight
I’ve sunk in the gravel underneath the water.
I can’t swim for air because it is deep,
And every time I swim, I feel slaughtered.
I feel the sharp, piercing and echoing pain creep
Inside me, and I try and try not to scream.
But no one hears my calls, so I just wait
Until someone wakes me from this dream.
I need to understand if this is my fate.
I look above the water and I see,
The beautiful sun, so glorious in the sky,
The rays warmness soothes and comforts me,
And I always smile whenever it passes by.
The sun heats the water and it dries
I’m freed from the gravel, and I rise.

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Permalink Reply by Harriett on February 6, 2010 at 8:11pm

Awww... you're really good! I write poetry too, here's one that I haven't decided what to do with yet. I want to either add more or leave it alone. What you think? I dunno it's just an idea for now.

Time

naked
I rain upon vunerable skin
twist in the filth
we create mud angels

too late,
I had dived into sand
certainty sacrificed
I am bathing in clocks
ticking, itching my skin
gold trickles from the sky
days pass

raining gold
I break the rules,
swim through the sea
heads bob and sink
I dream, there is no horizon
I relax, there is always a tomorrow

I count the shores
the natives are loud and alien
above, clouds swell
I understand the tides toss a castaway
no direction
breaking
if only I hadn't dived head first

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Permalink Reply by Michelle on February 7, 2010 at 4:29pm

I think my favorite that I've read so far is Dream Eyes...very well done! The others are nice as well though.

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