Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Ghost-Child550 on February 8, 2010 at 2:05pm

@Harriett your piece was very good I enjoyed it a lot. I can't tell whether you should add more or leave it cause it's damn good right now. I really recommend trying to get some of your stuff published cause you have loads of talent.

@Sweet Ash, your poem was pretty good but your writing could use a little bit of work. It's a little to angsty and straighforward, play with the words a little bit and try to kind of mix things up. Also some of the word choices are a little too predictable. Keep working on your writing though, it'll mature through time.

@Michelle thanks for the comment :) means a lot.

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Permalink Reply by Michelle on February 8, 2010 at 2:36pm

I'm on a writing kick lately here's another one

Time

Restless I wander

In the deep of night

Attempting to find

What you left behind

Speculating the difference

Of what it all means

Searching for myself

Inside the stillness

Devouring time

Time again

To find myself

And let it all go

Buried underneath the snow

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Permalink Reply by Tiernan (Moderator) on February 11, 2010 at 12:16pm

Hey everyone, I love the writing you're doing, keep it up!

I wanted to let you all know that I'm working on creating a separate sub-forum for poetry, lyrics, short stories, etc. Some of you may remember the original forum for writing was called the Lyricists Corner. We haven't had it in a while (it was changed to the Workshop around 2005), but I'm trying to bring it back. I'll keep everyone posted! :)

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Permalink Reply by Harriett on February 11, 2010 at 6:18pm

You're very talented Michelle! I wish I could right as cleverly and vividly as you someday :) Have you ever published a piece?

Ghost-Child550 said:

Michelle said:

I've been writing off and on since I was a kid...I always liked my English classes etc.

Ghost-Child550 said:

Michelle that was a good poem I really liked the word play. It left a pretty good impression you've got a lot of talent. How long have you been writing?

Very nice you're very good. I hope to see more of your work on here.

Here's a couple more of mine.

dream eyes

wide awake in winter sleep
staring down what's yours to keep
I am waiting
desperate and survived
for a moment like this
to live and bear sorrow
on the trees of ash and snow

dream eyes
cannot see the twisted wings
and promises
but in the twilight of stars grace
we'll glow with neon light
and sign the cards we've meant to keep

in waves of ocean crayon
you'll find a sleeper
waiting for the pen to scribe truth
behind blue filters
and dream eyes

I create my words
with pictures of sleep
and fall into worlds
where beauty is off key


Autumn Children

Autumn leaves fall down
to dance with me under their old trees
and the trees know of forgiveness
but not of their own death

I catch salmon and feed it to my children
so they too can one day
dance with the leaves under old trees
and my children will learn forgivness
and will not fear their own death

In autumn screams and silent invitations
the child will remember innocence
and with innocence brought back
the child will fear the sound
of rustling leaves and creaking trees

when time goes back
I'll not catch salmon and feed it to my children
and the autumn leaves
will no longer dance with me

the child of fall leaves and creakey trees
will remember the older days
when adult was the dream to fulfill
and the child went out of style

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Permalink Reply by Michelle on February 11, 2010 at 7:29pm

Harriet..Thanks!!.....no I've never been published...however I did win a contest through the Veterans Administration for special recognition..but I think I was the only person in my category..lol oh well. I did get to go to CA and be in a show though as well as meet Bo Derek.

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Permalink Reply by Ghost-Child550 on February 13, 2010 at 11:09am

Michelle said:

Harriet..Thanks!!.....no I've never been published...however I did win a contest through the Veterans Administration for special recognition..but I think I was the only person in my category..lol oh well. I did get to go to CA and be in a show though as well as meet Bo Derek.

Wow Michelle, very nice. Not surprised though cause you're a helluva poet. I should be getting something published soon myself.

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Permalink Reply by Harriett on February 13, 2010 at 6:09pm

That's cool :) I've won a contest too! But I got second place in the poetry category...it was back in middle school, so I am much better now! I got a gift card to Borders. I spent it all on manga, because I was a HUGE anime fan then. I'm more moderate now.

Michelle said:

Harriet..Thanks!!.....no I've never been published...however I did win a contest through the Veterans Administration for special recognition..but I think I was the only person in my category..lol oh well. I did get to go to CA and be in a show though as well as meet Bo Derek.

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Permalink Reply by Harriett on February 13, 2010 at 6:32pm

To Ghost-Child550, thanks! Your comment really gave me more confidence in my writing! I took your advice and left the poem as it is...I like its current state anyway. Here's another one I wrote a while ago, it's kind of long:

Lines

I wasted tears
opposites collide for nothing
reason slipped between the cracks
underneath,
I miss the past

a simple wall
unable to learn
this is impossible

tainted earth
I can not drink
a seed is not empty
it's human
it's tongue tied
it has soft thoughts
it sees the trees through the cracks
the crooked trees

I wasted anxious headaches
I wasted burning cried eyes
don't answer
there is no right
no misfortune
the dead is buried
a bath in skeletons
under the cold hard dirt
I looked into their sockets and dared to dance
I'm sorry
I miss the past

time is overrated
dread and hope separate by a fine line
unarmed
I want to quit
to start all over
to quiet the frightening voices
the omen confronted me
Indecisive, I collect a few scattered still frames
I can no longer remember
I left the past in the earth

light flashes in the corner of my left eye
an opportunity
looking back into the sockets,
I leave the past undone

I woke up
the next summer day
bitter, angry, and tired
the orange curtain is no longer exciting
it fades
I have faded
these unwashed hands
carved with lines of what was said
what was done,
what wasn't done,
it's over
I loved the past
I am no longer sorry


Ghost-Child550 said:

@Harriett your piece was very good I enjoyed it a lot. I can't tell whether you should add more or leave it cause it's damn good right now. I really recommend trying to get some of your stuff published cause you have loads of talent.
@Sweet Ash, your poem was pretty good but your writing could use a little bit of work. It's a little to angsty and straighforward, play with the words a little bit and try to kind of mix things up. Also some of the word choices are a little too predictable. Keep working on your writing though, it'll mature through time.
@Michelle thanks for the comment :) means a lot.

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Permalink Reply by Michelle on February 13, 2010 at 7:19pm

Harriet...really nice job...I really liked the line 'I wasted burning cried eyes"

Here's one I wrote..let me know what you think...and thank you guys for all your kind words..it keeps me motivated to write more.

Far Gone

Waiting in the night

silently watching

with a calm steady stare

as I am so far gone

bring me back

if you can

although reality

I find

frightening

as I am

so far gone

awaiting the light

the light

the nightmarish truth

tearing at my inside

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Permalink Reply by Ghost-Child550 on February 13, 2010 at 7:19pm

^@Harriet: You're welcome. :) really you didn't have much confidence in your writing? I really think you have a lot of talent, your style is good and your work is well written. Personally I think you can do something with your work, try getting a publisher or something, cause you've got the talent to get some publishing done. I very much like the newest piece you published, it's long, stays on topic and is very well written. I can tell that we'll get along :)

To those who that want to put some short stories, lyrics or any form of art here you're more than welcome to. The thread is basically for all forms of art, so there's no need to create a new thread that is basically the same thing as this one.

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Permalink Reply by Ghost-Child550 on February 13, 2010 at 7:25pm

Oh I almost forgot, Michelle yet another piece I really enjoy. I see there are fellow poets here and it's nice. You're welcome :) and it's really flattering to know that good motivation is coming from the thread, we all have a god given talent and motivation to create more wonderful pieces of art is nothing short of amazing. I thank you all for sharing your poetry, it's nice to see people still have interest in what seems to be becoming a forgotten art.

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Permalink Reply by Harriett on February 13, 2010 at 8:28pm

Wow, you guys reply quickly! I thought I wouldn't get an email until tomorrow! Thanks for the comment Michelle! I really liked your poem too. Short, doubled spaced and leading the reader to a mysterious point. Simple writing styles like that get a lot of attention, Ellen Hopkins for example. I loved Time also, it's witty.

Michelle said:

Harriet...really nice job...I really liked the line 'I wasted burning cried eyes"

Here's one I wrote..let me know what you think...and thank you guys for all your kind words..it keeps me motivated to write more.

Far Gone

Waiting in the night

silently watching

with a calm steady stare

as I am so far gone

bring me back

if you can

although reality

I find

frightening

as I am

so far gone

awaiting the light

the light

the nightmarish truth

tearing at my inside

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