A journey of needles

A short story

By Fallon Kelley

I was lying here last week when someone asked me why my mom treats me like she dose.

I thought about it and quickly answered I really don’t know that I wish I knew why.

It got me thinking about her and growing up more and more now my mind is engulfed with thoughts about it. This is how I would describe it; it’s like a world where everything’s covered in needles. You’re walking through just trying not to get stuck when all of a sudden you get distracted for one second. Now your screwed you looked away and your next step prick you got stuck it stings. You let out a moan, you try to me quiet biting your lip but it’s too late you’ve bin heard. Suddenly you’re falling into a deep pit of needles it’s painful, not over quickly, and you’re scared for life. Not all wounds are visible but the ones that are seen are picked at until their raw and remain for the rest of your life. By hour three your totally numb sitting there you can see and hear what’s going on but your checked out unmoving, unblinking  completely frozen. The only thing you feel anymore is the cold tears rolling down your face. Just when you think you can’t take anymore you lay down thinking why don’t you say nor do something why do you put up with this everyday. Then you hear a voice and you remember there’s a younger and more important task at hand. So that they may never feels the sting of the fall you have just taken. It pulls you through almost gratifying and it soothes you so that you fall into a deep sleep.  It’s not over yet you're awaken by a brick to the face like being slammed head first into a frozen pond. You hear screaming like a banshee in the night and everything you’ve bin think is suddenly flipped on you. You don’t care, you don’t love me, and then the firing squad starts you’re a whore, to thin, you’ll never be anything, and the bullet to the heart you’ll never be good enough. You start laughing and crying at the same time, you find the courage and start rising up screaming how, I live in these four  walls! I never leave and have only one outside connection how am I a whore, how do you know what kind of person I am or will be? You don’t know me and you never will!  As quickly as you think you’ve  scratched and crawled out of this never ending pit of pain and darkness, you’re smacked right back down.  So what do you do, I’ll tell you.  step lightly keep your eyes and ears open and at the first sight of a break in the wall you take all you love and get out and never look back.   

Everyone take from it what you need and give back what ever you can.

Art by Seth Dampier (not finished yet)

  Do You See Me

Fallon McFarland

  Do you see me, the girl standing before you scared and insecure? But one day hopes to break free and fade away those fears that bind her. One day rising up from the ashes of those fears, flaws and insecurities to be free and live the life that was meant to be. Looking in the mirror the reflection starring back with fears, flaws, and regret. With anger still holding on from a past life and with cuts and scares. Finding purpose only through others not finding it in herself. Standing there hoping the cuts will heal and those scares will finally fade. The ones she’s carried her whole life and no matter how had she tries she can’t seem to shake them. The thoughts and actions of another life that she made it through. The thoughts written almost plain across her face. Some reinforced others forced on her from early life but all still playing over in her mind daily. Hard to shake hard to swallow and hard to take. Fears and thoughts of if her life means anything, what will she leave behind or will she just fade away. If her actions towards others and the world are noble and of kindness, or just an illusion a blank figment of her mind? Is she good enough will she ever be? Or, do you see the me I want you to see. A strong fighter resilient gets knocked down always standing back up. The me that cool calm and collected me on the outside. When I’m panicking on the inside that hopeless felling sinking in. Feeling like she cant do it anymore this thing called life a constant struggle a constant war in side her self. Feeling like giving up, but having the knowledge to know she wont and she can’t. All the while smiling on the outside making sure you don’t see those thoughts and weaknesses  running through her head. Letting you see only what she wants you to see or maybe what she thinks you want to see in her. But standing before you screaming in silence in a crowded room. Do you hear me; no I make sure you only hear my cries of happiness. Shielding herself from thought and judgments, so that the only one who can truly hurt her is her self. Some days these thoughts are silent but most they are ragging like a storm on a blackened sea with no end  in sight to the darkness and only a beacon of light.. So once again do you see me or is the mask I wear just a translucent pane of glass. An illusion of my mind that I only let you see what I want you to see. When it’s all as plain as day for the world to see, or is it  actually hidden away only for my mind and eyes to see.

Some Music I Made (Just the intro, working on the whole song):

The%20Right%20Way.mid