Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Your Conscience on May 7, 2010 at 8:03pm

Quick note: After the second chorus, two lines in, you misspelled "alone". ;)

Now, before I really talk about the actual song, I'd like to thank you for sharing your work with us. It's not always easy to put yourself out there, and I hope you know that we appreciate you trusting us with your works in progress...

I'm yet to pull out my old guitar so I can hear the music, so I can't really comment on that yet, but hopefully I'll have time to later this weekend.

As for the lyrics, in all honesty, I kind of feel like a bunch of Linkin Park songs were picked apart and combined into one. I definitely understand relating to their music and having thier influence reflect in your own writing (as a few of my own songs have done that), but I suppose seeing a few of "their" lines all in the same place just doesn't give me the feel of an original song.

That being said, I hope I haven't discouraged you in the least bit. You have a good base for a song. I, personally, think it just needs a little more work so you can make it more your own. I think it's mainly the chorus and bridge that distract me, but your verses are good. Keep with it and try to find your own words to express how you feel. =)


...I hope I've helped more than I've annoyed. Haha.

Permalink Reply by RandomX on May 7, 2010 at 9:07pm

sounds like an angry song what style is it in? as for a song title that's gotta be your own but there are a few names that could work for you such as; "from above" "blood wound" or "broken athority" but of course thats me winging names out there, as for the complete song as a whole i started singing it to get a better flow or idea of it and I ended up doing a Papercut type rythem at one point and at another i ended up with the same tempo as "one step closer" that being said i'd like to hear either i recording or what the time is, genre. it seems to be a great body of a song but I have to agree with Conscience you need to make it yours. keep at it you deff have talent

Permalink Reply by Dalton Carr on May 7, 2010 at 10:01pm

yeah the bridge kinda sounds like One step closer but i honestly didnt realize that until i went over it

Permalink Reply by Dalton Carr on May 7, 2010 at 10:05pm

RandomX said:

sounds like an angry song what style is it in? as for a song title that's gotta be your own but there are a few names that could work for you such as; "from above" "blood wound" or "broken athority" but of course thats me winging names out there, as for the complete song as a whole i started singing it to get a better flow or idea of it and I ended up doing a Papercut type rythem at one point and at another i ended up with the same tempo as "one step closer" that being said i'd like to hear either i recording or what the time is, genre. it seems to be a great body of a song but I have to agree with Conscience you need to make it yours. keep at it you deff have talent

yeah, good ideas for song names.... i know it seems like im copying LP but alot of there songs are about the same stuff, but i just dont know how to make it "my song" but thanks for the tips guys i really aprisheate it (haha i cant spell, just sayin)

Permalink Reply by Your Conscience on May 8, 2010 at 3:17pm

Hey Dalton, it's not really important, but I guess I'm just curious... How old are you? I feel like you have a lot of potential; maybe you just don't fully know how to tap into it? I'm going to pull out my guitar later tonight and play the chords so I can get a better feel for the song, and, if you want, maybe make a few suggestions for lyrics that could help the song sound more original. I know it's hard not to sound like you're copying someone, especially when they inspire you so much and you feel the same way that their songs express, but I think you're capable of it. Just keep trying, and you'll discover your own style. ;)


(and it's "appreciate"... *wink* ...gotta love the English language and its spelling things how they don't sound, haha)

Permalink Reply by Dalton Carr on May 9, 2010 at 2:06am

Your Conscience said:

Hey Dalton, it's not really important, but I guess I'm just curious... How old are you? I feel like you have a lot of potential; maybe you just don't fully know how to tap into it? I'm going to pull out my guitar later tonight and play the chords so I can get a better feel for the song, and, if you want, maybe make a few suggestions for lyrics that could help the song sound more original. I know it's hard not to sound like you're copying someone, especially when they inspire you so much and you feel the same way that their songs express, but I think you're capable of it. Just keep trying, and you'll discover your own style. ;)


(and it's "appreciate"... *wink* ...gotta love the English language and its spelling things how they don't sound, haha)

haha thinks and ill be 15 the 19th

Permalink Reply by Your Conscience on May 9, 2010 at 4:56pm

Wow, so you're still kind of young. Haha. You deffinitely have more time to grow in your writing and develope your own unique sound, meaning you also have a really good start for your age. I'm kind of quirky about people seeing stuff I write, but if you're interested in my suggestion for the chorus, let me know and I'll send you a private message. If not, that's cool too. I'm sure that with time you'll figure out your own way. ;)

Permalink Reply by Dalton Carr on May 10, 2010 at 8:35am

Your Conscience said:

Wow, so you're still kind of young. Haha. You deffinitely have more time to grow in your writing and develope your own unique sound, meaning you also have a really good start for your age. I'm kind of quirky about people seeing stuff I write, but if you're interested in my suggestion for the chorus, let me know and I'll send you a private message. If not, that's cool too. I'm sure that with time you'll figure out your own way. ;)

yeah thats cool or email me at dskate13@********* either way is fine

Permalink Reply by Phantom on May 16, 2010 at 7:33am

In order to create a song/work/piece of your own, you must eliminate all outside distractions from your song writing sessions i.e. switch of your ipod, stereo etc. Sit down in silence and let your mind wander. And you will be surprised with what you come up with. I, myself sit down with my guitar and just play random chords letting my mind focus on the music being played and then i sing/speak without thinking. Half the time I surprise myself with some of the lyrics I come up with!

Here's an example of something I wrote only last week when I employed the technique I have just explained;

Take a look out your window
Don't be afraid to take a chance
I'm telling you it's not too late
Don't let anyone stand in your way

------------------

Thats the first verse of a song i'm currently working on. I hope to have it finished in the next week or so and if people like the lyrics in the verse up above, I'll post the full song when it's finished

Peace,
Phantom

Permalink Reply by Dalton Carr on May 17, 2010 at 8:26am

alright thanks for the advice phantom

Permalink Reply by Dalton Carr on May 21, 2010 at 9:55am

if you guys have any more sugestions please let me know

thanks,

Permalink Reply by Florian Popp on March 7, 2011 at 4:42am

good lyrics now check out this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IqW5L5crIhQ

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