I tried to end my life in 1986.  I was so depressed and I had no friends.  My girlfriend of 11 years had just left me and I was not able to deal with my emotions in a positive way.  I drank a 5th of Vodka, snorted a 8 ball of cocaine smoked a ounce of weeds and then I took a handful of narcotics and retrieved my Chef knife.  I cut myself had a snort, drink, puff, pill, until I can not remember what happened.  I woke up in a hospital.  It took many years to come to grips with my inner pain and my feeling of being worthless.  I am proud to say I have come a very long way since that night so long ago.  I still have depression and there are many things in my life that make me cry, like my wife left me for another man and she moved back home to France.  I had a girlfriend 3 years later and after 6 months she " dumped " me to use her words.  I was unhappy but I was able to get past this with no harmful effects.  I am sorry I can not find love in my life but I am happy to be alive anyway.  Having a partner would go a long way toward making me feel whole.  Until that happens ... if it ever happens ... it is up to me to remember that pain is a sign of healing and my soul aches. 

Jon Bennington.

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Replies to This Discussion

ive personally attempted suicide more than 15 times literally in the past three months,actually attempted this morning and im going to attempt again tonight...im prayin to a god that i dont believe in that i succeed in killing myself

oh and vodka,ah the good stuff vodka is my best friend and my only friend...besides brandy and keystone of course...

Suicide is just a permanent solution to a temporary problem. There are always ways around that empty/worthless feeling.What I always find helps is to talk to someone. If anyone ever needs to talk, I will be here =)

Please feel free to ask me to talk at any time.  I will be willing to listen.  It helps to know someone cares and I really care.  I hope no one succeeds in their suicide attempt.  Where there is life there is hope where there is hope there is life.....




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