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Season 5, Episode 5
This episode doesn't have a summary yet The UK version of the hit show Jersey Shore. MTV cameras follow some of Newcastle’s finest lads and lasses, as we sneak a peek into their glamorous lives and party lifestyles. From the city that gave us Cheryl Cole, Ant & Dec & Gazza, meet the real Angels Of The North as the girls strut their stuff in mini-skirts shorter than their belts, whilst the guys pump iron at the gym and drink more vodka shots than Newcastle Brown Ale.
As a resident of Sunderland, it’s easy to haul the piss out of my nearby Newcastle neighbours – after all, there’s so much to work with. There’s their deluded belief in their self-styled ‘Geordie Nation’, the recurring failure of their football team (mainly as a result of it being ran by morons) and that stupid way they talk.
Now the rest of the world can see them at their worst thanks to MTV’s Geordie Shore. If you missed it, a bunch of preening, shit-thick, interchangeable idiots have been scooped up and dumped in a luxury house somewhere near the centre of ‘The Toon’. The house itself has an indoor phone box, something which could take the gang WEEKS to get their heads around. The cameras retreat to a safe place and record the resulting carnage. As Twitter user @_Jock said, they’re “doing for Newcastle what Borat did Kazakhstan.”
The casting policy makes Big Brother look like a carefully planned and detailed study in human behaviour. There’s no blend of diverse types here, just lads (musclebound gobshites) and lasses (permatanned gobshites). They’re all seemingly dying to fuck the living daylights out of each other, and it might well be the fact that the last one to test positively for Chlamydia is the winner.
Stand-out lad was Jay, who proudly boasted that “My full time occupation is smashing birds”, something that should surely have set the alarm bells ringing at the headquarters of the RSPB – unless I’m completely missing the point.