This is my favorite episode of the season so far, even though there’s no Adam. It’s the tale of 2 dinner parties that go terribly awry. It’s the perfect episode to demonstrate that while we may not always like the characters, understand their motives for lying, or agree with their decisions, we understand what it’s like to be confused, to not know your way and to mess up.
Elijah is LIVID that it has come to this! He’s packing his stuff up to move out, don’t forget your round brush and astro glide! Hannah gets to keep all of the stuff Elijah’s ex, George, bought to furnish the apartment because Elijah slept with Marnie. “I resent the fact this wasn’t a dialogue, it was a monologue,” Elijah pouts. Hannah says she made a mistake trying to “repurpose him” and some people should just remain in the past. (Truth). Elijah announces he won’t pay rent this month for 2 reasons: 1. no funds 2. he paid for all of Hannah’s burritos junior year. And they were way more expensive than a normal girl’s burritos because she added spinach, guac and pecans. AND he paid for their butt plug. “You’re probably still using it, so maybe you should pay me,” Hannah retorts. (Is this the end of Elijah? That makes me sad. I enjoyed his character and his wit and when he’d call Hannah out on things).
Thomas-John has the most amazing view from his apartment. It’s seriously amazing. It’s time to meet Thomas-John’s parents (um, a little late on that one), and anyone who knows anything knows this isn’t going to go well. First, his parents are going to be early and we know Jessa can’t be on time to save her life. “It’s vile,” she says. “They hate waiting,” Thomas-John counters. They’re going to a steak house, but Jessa doesn’t eat meat unless she’s menstruating. “I’m sure you’ll find a delicate way to explain that,” he says and she tries to convince him to have sex before they leave. This scene takes place when it’s light out. By time they make their way to dinner, it is dark out. So clearly Jessa succeeded. Thomas-John is a nervous wreck.
Dinner is bad. Not the food, the conversation. Jessa does not fit into Thomas-John’s world. All Thomas-John’s exes were “very ambitious women.” Jessa only went to college for 7 months and she left because she had to go to rehab for heroin. “You know, Jessa does her own hair,” Thomas-John says loudly. But the parents want to talk about the heroin. “I never shot it, I only snorted it, that’s important.” The conversation doesn’t get any better. “You certainly have lived a lot,” Mom of Thomas-John says. “That’s very impressive especially since I haven’t heard a word about work.” Jessa says she’s going to figure it out. “It must be very nice to find yourself in such a successful ‘situation,” the mom continues. “Situation?” Thomas-John asks indignantly. “Well what’s one supposed to call it?” “Well you’re supposed to call it a marriage, mom, or a union. A union of souls.” Oh, and Jessa doesn’t believe in God. “I wish there was a Lord, but there isn’t.” Thomas-John ends dinner perfectly, “And this is why we didn’t invite you to the wedding.”
Back at the apartment with the amazing view, Thomas-John and Jessa have it out. Their marriage lasted all of 2 months, a record for some people, but not as long as Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries. (Aw, they returned the dogs to the pet store). “What was I supposed to do, lie?” Jessa asks. Thomas-John points out that wouldn’t be the worst thing she’s ever done. Jessa says Thomas-John thinks he’s a free spirit because they lived together for 2 weeks, but she’s been living this life for 20 years, and when she’s 50 she’s going to be so fat because she’ll be full of experience. “You will have only lived with me and that will be the one thing you’ve got. It’s disgusting.” Thomas-John points out that Jessa isn’t disgusted when