Comment

Comment by VISHWESH SINGH on March 20, 2011 at 3:10am

my my ur like me man i  2write such poems.. be my friend

Comment by Niq Shelby on September 18, 2010 at 8:29pm

siddarth, I was thinking, and The reason it didn't make seance to me (Your version) was because You might have thought an entirely different beat than I was.

Comment by Siddarth D on September 13, 2010 at 5:48pm

Ryan, thanks man! I appreciate the appreciation XD
Yeah, I'm not a writer....it made sense in my head when I wrote it hahahah

Comment by Niq Shelby on September 13, 2010 at 5:26pm

Ryan, I respect that, thank you for the opinion.

Comment by Ryan James on September 13, 2010 at 1:02am

I like the original better, then the re-write by nick. Keep it up man, i like the imagery you convey, I think you put this together very well. The only thing I dont really understand is this portion:
"I look up, looking for some eye contact,
But it always eludes me, someone please explain that"
I understand what your saying, but i cant see how it rythmically fits, it may just be because i dont now how your rapping it though. Besides that i really like it, keep writing and let it be original :D.

Comment by Niq Shelby on September 10, 2010 at 1:39pm

If I may make a suggestion, I re wrote the poem/ song, and I want you to see which is better (I did this, mostly hoping you could learn from this). (I mean no offence by re writing this, it's just a suggestion).



As I walk alone
I look around.
People passing by
nobody makes a sound.
I look up
looking for something to see,
But it always avoids me,
and that makes me sad,

What could I have done
to be ignored as such,
Leaving me empty,
and using hope as a crutch.
I use that hope
to light the dark times,
But some things are as dark
as hell is divine.

What am I saying here
I can't fully explain,
But I can tell you that
I ain't wishing on stars or planes,
I know it will, have no effect,
On a world so dark, and full of neglect.

We're all falling down
slowly fading away,
As the world goes by, day after day.
So what do we do, when we've reached the end?
We just close our eyes, and do our best to pretend.






Imagination is but a simple refuge,
From all the anger and the hatred that people use.
It gives us a world, a world we crave,
But its no use,we're already in our graves,
And now we've moved on into that wonderful place,
Where angels exist, and demons have no face.
So once again, come and walk with me,
As I walk on that path to the land of make believe,
Its a dangerous one, I know I can't avoid,
It's unavoidable, but keep on marching to the void.
It's finally hit me, what I didn't get before,
That this war is just another type or brand of war,
It was an internal one, caused by myself and my actions,
That have forced us to give up and live with rations.
All I say now, as I keep on walking,
this is goodbye, I'm slowly fading.