2011 has been a really interesting year. Had ups and downs all throughout the year. But mostly downs. I've been crushed, let down, rejected quite a number of times in this year. And it's not over yet. I was really hoping that any local university would accept me in, but all of them rejected me. It crushed me, no doubt. I've always been a person that chases after my dreams. But now, that dream of entering public uni is gone. I'm hurt. I'm devastated.
I've worked my ass off for the past few years to get great results. I'm happy with my SPM exam results. And so, I entered Form 6, the STPM exam. That's when I screwed up. I admit, I screwed up. I screwed up one time in my whole entire life and it's the end of me. I feel like I cannot get back up. It's all my fault. I've got not-so-good results, didn't fail. But it's not enough to make me enter public uni. Damn. And if I were to enter private uni, my family cannot afford it. It's a burden we cannot take.
So now I'm holding up. Having faith in God. And trying my best to not go any more down south. And I've found peace, refuge and hope in the song.
When you were standing in the wake of devastation. When you were waiting on the edge of the unknown.
It crushed me when I found out that I'm not accepted in. And now waiting for the reply to my appeal letter to the uni, well, it's unknown of what's the outcome. Will they accept my appeal, or will they just reject me again?
With the cataclysm raining down, inside's crying "save me now." You were there impossibly alone.
So true, happened to me plenty of times over the past few months. Having to endure and be strong, alone and no one could really help me out. No one could truly understand.
Do you feel cold and lost in desperation? You build up hope but failure's all you've known.
I'm lost, I admit. I don't know what to do next. I've pre-planned alternatives, but making decisions is easy, but living in that decision is the hardest/challenging part. So, I'm still stuck, while waiting for the reply to my appeal letter. I cannot work now, because well, the intake/students' entry into the uni is in 2 weeks time. This makes me nervous. The reply letter has not come yet.
Over the past few months, I've applied to so many uni. I've build up hope. But in the end, they all rejected me. And so, failure's all I've known, despite the built hope that I had.
Remember all the sadness and frustration and let it go, let it go.
As the song progresses, tears fall down as I contemplate on my failures, the rejections, the devastation, the frustration. And then it comes the part of this chorus, and that's when I get a sense of hope, warmness, love, concern from someone, a motivation. And it makes me stand back up. I fell down, and so I must not stay down, but instead I must stand up after the downfall. And then let it all go.
This song has been with me the whole time every time, every second when I'm down and frustrated. It helps me in a way that maybe others couldn't. Brings me up and motivates me whenever I feel like I'm a worthless fuck, whenever I feel like I'm a failure, a loser.
I'm just so thankful that Linkin Park created this song. Thank you, Linkin Park.