I don't know why I'm putting this here of all places. Maybe it's just because everywhere else is sick of me talking about it, complaining about it.
Maybe it's because here no one ones me, so no one will bother to even look. I dunno. I just need to get these thoughts out.
I wonder every day why I wasn't simply born in a normal boy's body, why it had to be me that had to be like this. It's absolutely horrible and I just wish it would end.
Imagine waking up with the opposite sex's body parts. Suddenly you have a new name (or not, depending on if your name is unisex or whatever) and everyone calls you by the opposite sex's pronouns everywhere you go. You know on the inside you're not what people say you are, yet they continue to see you that way anyway just because of your body parts, how you were born.
Some days are better than others. There are days where I can look in the mirror and actually crack a smile at it because I look pretty damn good. Others, I can't so much as glimpse at my reflection without bursting into tears. I'll start losing hope again. I'll start to think I'll never look like the man on the inside, and I'll be cursed with this disgusting body for the rest of my life.
I know that's not true, though. I know there's hope. There's always hope. Just sometimes it really gets to me, you know? It absolute sucks and I don't understand why I had to be born this way. It just doesn't make sense. Why couldn't I have been born with traditional male parts? I am male, after all.
I know body parts don't define me but so many people are so blind to that and it makes me so sad. They think just because you're born with a certain body part or without a certain body part you're automatically a boy or a girl. No, it doesn't work like that. Sex and gender are two completely different things. Sex is body parts. Gender is a wide spectrum.
I guess I'm grateful for the experience in the sense that it's opened my mind to gender issues in the media, in politics, and all that but at the same time, I really don't care, and I wish I was just born with what I should've been born with.